i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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