...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
