He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
