After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
where are my eyebrows?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
