WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
