her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were trust falling into bushes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
