My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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