Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
