Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
