32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
