I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
