it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
