she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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