just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
