There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
