Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
