im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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