I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
