The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
