this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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