If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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