I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
