Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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