You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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