I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
