it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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