GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
