She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
