sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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