I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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