shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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