Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
