dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
