Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
