i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
