girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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