Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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