All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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