Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
