The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
