Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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