maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
