if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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