she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
