Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
