So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize