I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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