Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
