Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
