We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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