I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
