did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
