she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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