you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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