U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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