you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
