im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
