I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
