using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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