that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
