I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
