well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
