theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
