Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
