Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
