You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
