i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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