Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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