There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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