They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
