Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
