One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
