Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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