Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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