i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
