I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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