Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
