I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
