Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize