You're my little dorito
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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