i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
